Sweetchildofmine's Weblog

Light Days

sweetchildofmine — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 14:53:55 +0000

I’m accustomed to staying awake till three or four am listening to music, reading something or chatting with friends and in the morning I get up early, avoiding going out from home as I detest the daylight. Don’t ask me why, I just know that it hurts my eyes and I find it annoying. So as you will see, I rather prefer nights…
Just a few days a month I feel willing to “face the daylight” and every time I do it, I really enjoy it. I sit in my garden with the sunshine on my face and I breathe deeply. Now that it’s winter I love this sensation. Listening the singing of the birds and feeling my nose cold as a consequence of the light breeze. Having all these feelings in those moments, I think about how I thank God for having everything I have; my family, my dear friends, my great classmates, my career, my lovely pets and my precious love. I just feel I’m in peace with myself. Perhaps I’m talking nonsense but this sensation comes from time to time so I had to write about it.

Tattoos

sweetchildofmine — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 14:52:28 +0000

Last week in our English Language class, there was one of my classmates who presented a topic about “Celebrities Worshipping” and one of the things she mentioned was about a person who had a tattoo of his celebrity and this led to a heated debate among some of my classmates. Some of them mentioned religion and the fact of accepting your body as God create you; some others talked about social stereotypes that had people and made them judge those ones who had a tattoo.
The thing is that I wasn’t in the class before that moment. I had too much things on my head, I was thinking about something else nothing related to the class, but when I heard what the discussion was about, I felt I had some many things to say but I felt unable to speak as I wasn’t paying attention before. Anyway…for the things I heard, I wonder, do tattoos are still being part of social stereotypes?, will they always be?… I hope not. I n my opinion, I could say it’s just a matter of choice. It has nothing to do with religion or social problems. I think it’s stupid to say that because you have one, you probably have mental problems. Can’t we think it is only because you want your body look different?. Maybe it’s because you want a nice draw on your body for the rest of your life and that’s all, or perhaps it’s that you want to show art on your body, which I think it`s an excellent reason.
I have to say I don’t wear any tattoos. The only idea of having something for the rest of my life makes it impossible, but I think they’re nice and I respect people who have them. I think this kind of prejudices should finally come to an end. As human beings, we have the freedom to choose and I thank God for that.

Facing the reality

sweetchildofmine — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 14:50:39 +0000

For several years she had suffered. Of course she had been in love once, but her love became hatred when another woman appeared in the life of her loving man and he broke her heart. When this happened, she felt her world was coming down but never showed anything. She wanted to seem strong in front of her family and friends as she hated the idea of people feeling pity for that situation, but she cried alone at night and she regretted of having spent too much time of her life on a relation that was a completely lie. She suspected her boyfriend had something but she pretended everything was fine as she didn’t want to face the truth.
She felt she could not manage her feelings. She was too sad and depressed and she wanted to disappear from the earth or losing her identity. As she was quite depressed, her best friend suggested her going abroad for a while and she accepted. She travelled to different places and met interesting people.
After two years going from one place to the other, she came back home to move on with her life and to start doing something different. She felt she had changed and even everything seemed to have changed. Her family and friends missed her a lot but they respected her decision of going alone by her own. They knew there was little they could do about it and supporting her on her decisions was the best they could do for her.
One day, coming back home from her new job, she met her ex-boyfriend carrying his baby and right besides him, his wife…
They seemed to be the perfect family he always wished to have but for some reason she never wanted to talk about whenever it was possible. In that exactly moment she remembered the times when he talked about the babies they were going to have or the big house they were going to buy when they get married, but she never said anything about it, she avoid any conversation about future plans as she knew she would never be able to have a family because she was going to die.
It has always been very difficult for her to tell her boyfriend the truth but she couldn’t find the right moment to do it. She thought if she told him she was going to die he would leave her…but he leave her anyway without knowing anything about it…
She came to them and he was pale when he noticed her, He couldn’t believe his eyes; he thought she was more beautiful than she was before meanwhile she felt stronger now that she learnt he moved on with his life…If he did it, why not her?…suffering long time, for what?, for who?. Now she realized it was time to get it over, and one way of starting would be facing that situation. So she came to them with a big smile and said hi to both parents and kissed the baby. He seemed to be rather confused as he thought she wouldn’t have the courage to do it and besides that, she was too confident of what she was doing and she was not like that. She had changed and you could notice in her eyes. She was now completely sure of what she wanted to do. She wanted to enjoy each day of her life as if it were the last.

Sunday afternoons

sweetchildofmine — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 14:50:09 +0000

I think the most deppressing day is Sunday. Especially in the afternoons. You always have nothing to do but to sleep or to eat (well,at least in my case). Maybe you wonder how about watching television or listening to music…but what the hell!…Nothing, but absolutely nothing is more boring than a Sunday afternoon at home. If I decide to watch a movie on the dvd, I never see the end of it as I always fall asleep in the middle of the story and when I wake up and I realize that I lost half of the movie, I get angry and I never watch the end of the movie…
If I want to listen to music for a while it happens the same. But this happens for obvious reasons as most of the radio stations are depressing with their “retro” music. Don`t get me wrong when I say this because I love songs from that time, but the whole afternoon?…and night?. C`mon…there must be something interesting to do…

Freedom

sweetchildofmine — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 14:48:34 +0000

One of the most important moments in my life was when I taste freedom for the first time. At the age of 18, I decided to travel to Buenos Aires by my own to see one of my favourite bands in those times. Although the concert was great, the fact of being in a place I didn´t know was a complete challenge for me and I really enjoyed it!!!, for the first time I was doing what I wanted without being controlled or restricted by anyone… When I needed to know about how to get to different places, I asked several people the same question so I made sure they were not giving me the wrong information and in that way I managed to travel from one place to the other. I felt a little bit worried about what could happen to me there, but I think it was a wonderful experience and I hope to have the opportunity to do it again.

Gut feelings

sweetchildofmine — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 14:46:16 +0000

Has it ever happened to you to meet someone for the first time and at that exactly moment you feel you already know what the person is like?…well, this happens to me frequently and unfortunately, I was wrong in a few times. And I say unfortunately because when I have this sort of gut feeling I am predisposed to behave in a certain way with that person and not being just me. I am nobody to judge anyone or to say what is right or wrong, but I can`t help this sensation. I feel like I already know what is going to happen and I prefer avoiding some situations and let the things how they are.
I consider myself a good person but I know I have lot of defects which in some cases I try to correct them.
A few times I met people who I considered my friends, but then these people disappointed me by being cynical and dishonest. I`ve always been a direct person and whatever comes to my mind at a certain moment I say it without thinking, and perhaps that is why I seem to be unkind. But I prefer doing this rather than talking about people behind their backs. However, I think it is good giving opportunities and not being so defensive because I am not perfect and I know I make mistakes all the time and I`m sure I would like to have another chance if I do something wrong.

Kurt

sweetchildofmine — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 21:18:34 +0000

“The intensity, the aggression, the hatred. You could just hear a lead singer scream at the top of his lungs. I felt that way. I wanted to smash things.” -Kurt Cobain I remember the first time I heard Kurt Cobain singing. It was for the MTV Video Music Awards in 1992 and I was 9 years old. Despite of my early age I was caught by his voice… there was something about it. It was as if he was being hurted, you could feel his pain, and I think it’s not necessary to say that from that moment I become a Nirvana’s fan.
Kurt Cobain was born on 20th February, 1967 in Aberdeen, Washington. He was a hyperactive child but he lived happily with his family. At the age of seven his parents got divorce, which caused a huge impact on his life becoming anti-social and isolated. He lived for a while with his father and then he moved with his mother. He didn’t finish secondary school because two weeks before his graduation he realized he did not have enough good marks to get his degree. His mother kicked him from her house and he stayed at some friends`houses and he also lived under a bridge over a river.
Still being a child, he bought his first guitar and started to experiment different music styles. His musical success began with Nirvana, being Kurt the leader and guitarist of the band, Krist Novaselic on bass and Dave Grohl as the drummer.
In 1989 they released their first album called Bleach though they found their greatest success when they produced and released their following album Nevermind. They performed in several countries and had thousands of fans around the world. However, Kurt found the success of the band a little intimidating and liked the intimate setting of small night clubs.
Almost all his life he suffered from intense physical pain due to an undiagnosed chronic stomach condition and also dealing with depression. As a consequence, he started to use different kinds of drugs in order to end up with these pains, becoming in an addict. Because of his morphine and heroin addictions, he went into rehab several times, but left without completing the program. Throughout the early 90`s, he married Courtney Love and had a daughter.
In 1994, the band was on MTV`s Unplugged, making this album a great success. One week after a concert in Munich Kurt fell in a comma. He woke up and left the hospital voluntarily, but was reported missing. He fled back to Seattle without making his movements known to any members of his family. On April 8th, his body was found by an electrician who was to install a burglar alarm in Kurt’s residence. He had committed suicide.
After his decease, several theories have come out about his suicide. One of those theories is that some people blame his wife for driving him into his suicide; some others think Kurt was murdered but there are not proofs of that; and there are people who have accepted that he committed suicide.
All in all, Kurt is not here with us anymore, but he still inspires most of us with his wonderful music. He was a great artist and he’ll always be. We still have his music, his songs and nobody will take that away from us…

Fear of Writing

sweetchildofmine — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 20:52:57 +0000

I always loved writing. I think it was the only thing I liked. I remember every time I had a language test, the very first thing I did when the teacher gave me the exam was to look at the title of the essay, article or whatever I had on task to write so I could think of ideas in order to put them on my paper… I used to enjoy writing…
The last years at the Lola Mora have been more or less the same but this year was the exception. I do not know why is that I feel this way but I feel like everything I write is wrong; especially with the essays.
My English Language teacher told me I should be more organized before writing something and I did try but I keep on doing the same mistake. In fact, there are times that while I’m writing something I notice the failures but as I don’t know how to correct them I let the things how they are. I feel like I wouldn’t be able to write something better.
Now that the English Language exam is coming I’m worried because I still have doubts about my skills to write a good essay. All I know is that I hope to overcome this fear before that day because if not, I know I’ll feel quite disappointed of myself.

My Family

sweetchildofmine — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 20:51:55 +0000

Living with my family is not one of the easiest things for me. Trust me when I say this. It requires of a lot of patience but in certain moments it can be quite difficult.
I live with my parents, three sisters and one brother.
What can I say about my father?. I love him so much that I hate the way he complains about everything. If there’s something out of its place, he makes a huge tragedy of it and he worries me as he has blood pressure’s problems and this could be bad for him. Besides that, he’s quite negative about almost everything, so imagine such a combination of grumble and negation!. On the other side it’s my mother. Let me tell you our mother-daughter relationship is quite special. We both have gone through difficulties in our relationship but we still love each other so maybe that’s why we can overcome our problems. The thing is that she has some attitudes that are difficult to deal with, and one of them is that she barely listens to you when you have something important to say. Besides, she has her favourite ones, so it’s even more complicated to have her attention even for a while. In many opportunities I’d have loved sharing with her important things that happened to me, but she cared about something else. Perhaps that’s our problem, that whenever we have the opportunity to establish a good relation, there’s always something else between us. However, I think she’s a great mum. I always had what I needed. She has worked really hard for it and I really thank her for that, but if she only knew the only thing I need is just a hug from her…
Changing the subject, I have a love-hate relationship with my brother. He’s seven years younger than me and he’s the typical kind of adolescent who’s surrounded by technology and can’t live without them and neither he lets us live in peace. He’s always asking for a new cellphone, new games for his new playstation 2 or new programmes for the computer; and now he wants a motorbike for his eighteenth birthday. It’s so tiring to deal with him!. The worst thing is that I hate spoilt kids like him and I can’t stand situations in which he’s completely claiming for stupid things. Things that won’t help him in the future. He’s so smart that I hate the way he spends so much time on these things instead of studying or doing something useful for him. Anyway, I’m also conscious that it’s not his fault at all. My parents are also partly responsibly. However, when he is not so childish, we spent great moments together.My little sister is sixteen and she’s the kind of girl who is always doing something to make you smile. She’s so innocent and naïve at her age that sometimes it worries me she may be harmed. I’m worried about it because I see she suffers when someone gets mad with her or if she argues with someone. I’m afraid someday she misses her innocence or that she be influenced by her friends and stops behaving in the way she does. It is as I’d like to put her on a bubble and not let her go out. I know it sounds crazy but I just feel that I need to protect her from I don’t know what…
My older sister is the kind of person whom I can always count with. I know whatever I need I can ask her. I know I can trust her and if I do something wrong she makes me see my mistakes. She is great giving advices but perhaps we have different points of view about life. She has lived surrounded by “the good things” and perhaps that’s why she’s so positive, and everything is ok, and she can see a wonderful future, etc., etc…
And finally, my older sister is just exactly like Beth in Louisa May Alcott’s novel “Little women”. She is twenty-seven years old and she has no friends, no social life and she prefers staying at home doing the housework. She’s rather special. She seems to be quite fragile and I would say she lives in a bubble. She gets nervous if she has to talk to any stranger. Her voice starts to tremble and most of the times she tries to avoid these situations. She is so innocent and fragile, incapable to hurt anybody that she also worries me. I don’t know how to help her. In any moment she would have to face this world and it would be hard to get accustomed. It would be hard to deal with it. Besides, I’m worry about her future. What will she do when my parents don’t be with her? How would she manage by her own?. She’s so dependant from my parents that it also makes me feel angry about her attitudes.
Anyway, the thing is that sometimes I feel I am the big sister, the oldest one. Most of the times I take responsibilities that don’t concern me. Sometimes I had to act like the mother or father of my siblings; or like the sort of negotiator of my parents, and I realized I’m not enjoying my own life. I’ve been so busy trying to arrange these family’s issues that I never think about my own life. Perhaps it’s because I always thought if I didn’t do something for that, this family would have come down…

My Beloved Teacher

sweetchildofmine — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 20:50:22 +0000

Today sadness invades my heart. I’m so hollow that I can’t describe what I’m feeling in this exactly moment. I feel a deep hole in my soul and I have something in my throat that I feel it hurts to breathe. I can feel the emptiness. Today I lost the best teacher I’ve ever had. She was more than a teacher, she was like a friend, like an inspiration. A whole eminence. Such a beautiful person. Full of energy and always encouraging us to follow our dreams no matter how difficult the things seem to be.
I met her in the summer of the last year. I was going to seat for an exam and she helped me a lot with it. Besides that, I shared wonderful moments with her. She was always telling us about attractive places she went or interesting stories in which she was involved. I would never forget when she told me the time she was in France in the events of May 68 and all the dangerous and at the same time funny moments she had gone through.
I also remember when she told me the time she met Randolph Quirk in a conference and how angry she left the room because she said Mr Quirk overestimated the teachers of our country (and besides that, he was bored). And another anecdote was when she told the time she was in the Globe Theatre and at the end of the play she was completely soaked as it was raining.
She had so many anecdotes to tell her students and personally, I enjoyed listening to her. She made her stories so interesting that I never wanted to stop listening.
But now she’s not here with us. She left us. Now finally she will be resting. Since she retired she had had students at home and she never seemed to be tired of them and she refused if any of us wanted to pay for her classes. She used to say she hated loneliness and she loved having her house full of students. She loved young people. Young people who wanted to learn more of the English Language but who also had the pleasure of learning more about her.
I shared beautiful moments with her and I feel really sad because I couldn’t say good bye. The last time I saw her was two months ago, when some of my classmates and I invited her to have lunch to thank her for helping us in an exam. I just know I would keep those moments in my mind and she will always be present in my heart.
I always admired the talent she had to teach and to make us understand some things that were so difficult for us. She motivated us all the time and never overestimated us. She supported our ideas (criticized them if it was necessary) and encouraged us to follow our dreams and not to give up.
She had travelled around the world and she knew about everything. Such an interesting person to know…and so humble and simple at the same time. She seemed to want to transmit her knowledge to us…
I would love to have known her before, anyway I’m happy to have met her because it was an honour for me. I hope when I become a teacher and finally graduate, to have just a little bit of what she had. She was a wonderful teacher and a beautiful person and I’m pretty sure she will be in the heart of every student who had the pleasure to have known her as she is the kind of teacher who will always be remembered with a smile and admiration.